Confessions of a 29-year-old

Keep in mind, I am an only child.

As a child, my birthdays were a big deal. I can remember lamenting the fact that birthdays only came once a year. It and Christmas were the two events that marked my year. My parents (being of the over-generous, prone to spoiling stock) had me thoroughly convinced I was, in fact, the center of the universe. Life revolved around me, and it was these two events that proved such.

The best-laid plans...

“The best-laid plans of mice and men, often go awry...”

The phrase is an adaptation of a line from a poem by Robert Burns entitled, To a Mouse. It is an age-old adage, and it is quite true. No matter how hard we try, no matter how careful we plan, things do not always turn out the way we expect them to.

Several months ago, some colleagues and I were traveling to a bordering country to join fellow laborers for a celebration of their ministry. On our way back through a particular town along the border, we decided to stop and pay a visit to an old friend of my colleagues. This friend was a long-time believer and had grown up in the town where we all reside, but she had moved to that country after marrying. Her husband was not a believer, but she had remained in the faith. (Remember marriage works very different in the culture here.)

Our desire was to pay a quick and quiet visit simply for the purpose of greeting and encouragement. However, having no clue where she lived, we began asking around in the town market for anyone who knew this lady. What started as a nice idea to drop in and pay a visit began to gather quite a crowd of on-lookers. You could imagine a carload full of white people pulling up in the middle of the market and trying to find someone caused considerable speculation. It was obvious that some were simply reluctant to let us know where this lady was because they did not know why we wanted to see her. Others were running around trying to find her. Our little plan began to boil over into a fiasco. Eventually, someone from the market had found our friend and we were able to pay our visit, but only after causing a tremendous scene. Needless to say, everyone in town now knew that our friend was in cahoots with the white Christians.

It was not until this past week that we learned the true outcome of all our commotion.

Last week, this friend stopped by our house for a visit. She was staying with family here in town. During her stay she informed us of all the happenings in her life since that last visit. True to speculation, we had called quite a bit of attention to ourselves and in the process our friend. It seems everyone in town wanted to know why the white folk wanted to see her.

So, she told them.

She explained how she knew these white people, and why the white people were here. She told of Jesus and the message of the gospel. She expressed her faith to many people through the process. God gave her a platform in our messed up plans. Further still, she told us of her husband's recent interest in her faith due to our visit. He is now studying and fellowshipping with other believers in their town. He has been attending their church. Please pray for his salvation.

I am reminded of a story from God's Word. It is one most of us learned in Sunday school. (And if you are as old as I am, you probably saw the story play out on flannelgraph.)

Joseph had a bunch of brothers, and he did a pretty good job of making them hate him. Now for certain, I do not know the spirit in which Joseph shared his dreams with his brothers. He may have intended no haughtiness whatsoever, but whatever the case, he managed to offend. His offense was so severe they sought to kill him, and they got pretty close. In a moment of pity, they chose to throw him down a well instead.

From that point forward, Joseph was sold into slavery, sent to Egypt, accused of attempted rape and adultery and thrown in jail for years. My assumption is that none of this was on his ten year plan. Joseph, who, according to his dreams, had plans of success, wound up in quite a few unforeseen circumstances. Yet, in the end God's purpose was met, and Israel was saved under Joseph's leadership. (It is a good story, you should read it sometime: Genesis 37-47)

“The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry...”

As I write this, I write as one whose plans have gone awry. I was supposed to be traveling today. A team of volunteers from my home church was scheduled to arrive for work here. My plans were to once again cross the border into our neighboring country and pick them up for work, but their flights were cancelled. In speaking to members of the team about the mishap, it was blamed on “fog and incompetence.” Thank you Memphis International Airport.

Months of planning and preparation have gone into this work, and it seems as though it may all be for naught. More importantly, the work of discipleship and evangelism that was going to take place seems jeopardized.

“The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry...”

Thankfully, we serve neither mouse nor man.

We serve the one who brings order to the cosmos and the one who spoke it into existence. He is over all and in control of all, and his mighty acts will always go according to plan. Nothing can thwart the purposes of God. All of history has been written by his hand, and it has all gone according to plan. There have been no accidental slip-ups. There was never a surprise to catch him off guard. There is no plan B, because he needs no contingency. Furthermore, it will continue to move forward as God has planned since before the beginning of time, and it will end just as he has already told us, with a multitude from every tribe, tongue and nation surrounding the throne of glory singing praises to the Lamb of God.

Our plans often go awry, but rest in the fact that God's plans do not. And, as always, Father knows best.

On gift-giving - Part 4

About six months ago, I was given a turtle. It was a regular, garden variety turtle. This turtle had no special talents or abilities. It had no value, except that it was a gift.

It was given to me by a man with whom I have developed a significant friendship this past year. Let us pretend his name is Paco. A couple of months after moving here, I met Paco in one of the villages out in the bush where I was doing my language study. Early on, we would meet to study scripture and eventually he became a part of our fellowship.

On one of his visits to our town for discipleship, Paco showed up at my house with this turtle. He had found it in the bush, and instead of leaving it for his kids to play with, he thought I would enjoy it. So, he chose to bring it to me.

Now, to be certain, I am not much of a pet person. The closest thing I have had to a pet in recent years was an abandoned goldfish. So, you can imagine, I had no desire to raise a turtle, especially in Africa. Yet there I was, being given a turtle. The next thing I knew, Donatello was being placed in the lemongrass in front of my house to stalk insect prey. He was introduced to his new home.

Gift-giving is a ritual. Like many other social institutions, such as a hand shake, a greeting, or a kiss, gift-giving is ritualistic in nature. Now, I am not saying it is mechanical, as in done without feeling or thought. Instead, my point is that it has cultural weight and is done with purpose in mind. Perhaps its purpose is to strengthen a relationship. Perhaps it is used to show the value of the recipient in the eyes of the giver. Perhaps it is a way of saying you are sorry for wrongs committed. However, in each of these instances, gift-giving is an established cultural action that is used to communicate an idea. In that sense, it is a ritual.

Where I live now, there is a high value put on gift-giving. It is a strong cultural symbol in this part of West Africa. In an earlier post, I mentioned that gifts here often times cannot be measured with a monetary value. Truly, a gift's value is measured by its sacrifice.

Yet, there is an important aspect of gift-giving that must be discussed. For this ritual to be complete, a gift must not only be given but also accepted. The responsibility for this act does not rely solely on the giver. This is a truth that is laid bare in the culture of West Africa. Had I refused Paco's turtle, the ritual would have been broken and the relationship potentially damaged.

However, the point of this post is not a turtle.

During the Christmas season, we celebrate a far more significant gift. We celebrate the gift of new life. I am intentional in my wording. For we do not simply celebrate some religious holiday. We say we celebrate the birth of a savior, but it is not merely his birth we celebrate. It is salvation itself.

Yes the Word became flesh, and Christ was born a man. But we must not stop at simply celebrating the act, we must also celebrate why Christ lowered himself to this position. It prepared a way for those of us who had none. It gave us escape from our self-inflicted destruction. The real gift of Christmas is the gift of new life. Christ came and sacrificed himself that we may have life and have it abundantly.

Yet, celebrating a gift of this magnitude cannot be done with a wreath or a tree. It cannot be done by mimicking the act with gift-giving. It cannot even be celebrated by paying ceremonial homage with services and songs.

No, the only way to celebrate a gift this significant is to accept it.

Acknowledging the gift is not enough. Lip service to the idea is no more accepting of the gift than those who utterly reject Christ's existence. We hear phrases like, “Jesus is the reason for the season.” But concocting some rhyme and sticking it in your front yard with your Christmas lights or in your Facebook status is by no means acceptance. It may make you feel better, but a gift never used is a gift never accepted.

The only way to accept a new life is to walk in it.

Merry Christmas.

On gift-giving - Part 3

I believe people mean well enough, when it comes to gift-giving that is. However, it is ritual in America, especially around Christmas time. No longer is gift-giving a nice gesture. Instead, the tradition has become an obligation during this season of the year. It seems to me this shift in the essence of gift-giving has possibly changed the reasoning behind the act. The question is thus raised, “Why do you give gifts?”

Following is a list of the reasons, at least in my experience, why people give gifts during the Christmas season. While the list is not exhaustive, the reasons are thus:

• Reciprocity – Chalk this one up to guilt. Someone got you something real nice, and now you feel a need to return the favor. It may have been an early surprise you found on your desk at work a week before Christmas. “Oh thank you!” you will say. Followed by, “Your's is on its way, I just haven't got them all wrapped yet. I'm such a procrastinator!” This person, of course, was not on your list to start with but has now found a prominent spot.
• Preemptive strike – Akin to the above reason, the preemptive strike is the reverse. The desire is to suck up to someone from which you would like to later receive a benefit. This is the tried and true “apple on the teacher's desk” bit and is often used with bosses and or other people from whom you may be able to glean something in the future. You are the person in the first scenario who left the gift on the desk a week before Christmas.
• To impress someone – While this is similar to the preemptive strike, there are certain nuances that make this reason for gift-giving a different category. The real reason behind this gift is not to receive a tangible benefit in return. Instead, it is designed to change the recipient's opinion of the giver. Most often, this seems to take shape in one of two forms. First is the desire to flaunt one's wealth. This is also known as buying one's friends.
  A lesser talked about use of this tactic is found in high schools and on college campuses everywhere. Most often used on Valentine's Day (however not unheard of at Christmas), this tactic is used to woo someone of the opposite sex. You may have met her in the book stacks of the library, or perhaps she sits two rows over in one of your classes. Nonetheless, she is the most beautiful creature you have ever seen, and, knowing your own limitations in the looks department, you feel the need to even the odds somehow. Unfortunately for you, a box of chocolates rarely does the trick.
• Unloading – Most of us have too much stuff and, honestly, most of it is junk. Closets across America are full of old knick-knacks that have not seen daylight in years. While rarely used at Christmas, this is still a common reason for gift-giving. If you do not want it, odds are, neither does the person on which you plan to unload it.
• Re-gifting – Unlike the above reason, re-gifting is most often practiced at Christmas. It is that time of year when most everyone around you is receiving gifts. This year, someone will inevitably give you a gift that is akin to the plague. You do not want it, and instead of trashing it, you assign it a far more sinister purpose. You spread the disease. You plan to burden someone else with it, effectively killing two birds with one stone. You have ridden yourself of said gift, and marked one more person off the shopping list. Therefore, it winds up rewrapped. You make sure not to open the actual packaging, so as to give the impression you purchased it for the unlucky victim of this transaction.
• Hints through gifting – Gifts given for this reason turn the ritual into a platform for communicating an idea. A case example is buying your wife a workout video for Christmas. Or, in the reverse, buying your man some Rogaine. Often used in order to lesson the sting of an unpleasant statement, this usually winds up backfiring.
• Shadow gifting - The most diabolical of all gift-giving reasons, this one can only be pulled off in very specific circumstances. First, the recipient has to be of close relation to you. For instance, this can be used with a spouse, sibling, parent, or possibly your own child. However, outside of that circle it is a challenge to use. The scenario goes as follows: The giver really wants a new gadget of some form, perhaps a particular piece of technology or a new appliance for the household. Instead of using their money to purchase the item for themselves, they take a much lower road. They buy it for another member of the family, in essence, putting it in close enough association with themselves to use it whenever they would like. Many wives have been bought fishing poles for this exact reason.

After examining personal reasons for gift-giving, perhaps it would be helpful to examine the reason why gift-giving is part of our Christmas celebration.

Many claim the origins of the Christmas holiday season predate Christianity, finding its roots in pagan ceremony and celebration. Examples cited to back this theory are plethora and include symbols like Christmas trees, many of our decorations, and even gift-giving itself.

Truthfully, they may be right. Much of what we do on this holiday may have found its roots in winter festivals and celebrations to pagan deities. Nevertheless, the only reason I mention this is to say that I do not really care if its earliest origins paid homage to a myth of the Roman pantheon. When the true king of the world was born, those who worshipped him chose a day to celebrate. At the advent of Jesus Christ, Romans may have given gifts in the name of Saturn. However, with the establishment of Christmas, an old tradition was given an entirely new meaning. Like every other aspect of life, an empty, fallen invention of man was given true meaning by the birth of a savior.

Christmas is a holiday reborn. It was given a new life.

Whatever the initial reasons for giving gifts on this day, we do it now in remembrance of a gift given. Yet, this precious gift was not given to impress or flaunt the wealth of the one who gave it, despite his matchless riches. It was by no means given in reciprocity as to ones who deserved it. It certainly was not given because it had no value to the giver. To the contrary, it was his only begotten. Our Heavenly Father gave mankind a gift it did not deserve and paid a price far higher than any we could pay.

Furthermore, in love of the Father, Christ gave the gift of sacrifice so that creation could be reconciled to the creator. He, being in the very form of God, did not account this equality a thing to be grasped. No, he humbled himself. Christ sacrificed his position on high, and he became man. He became a servant, an obedient servant to the point of death. He died my death and your death, so that we might live a new life.

On Christmas, we celebrate a holiday reborn. And on Christmas, we celebrate the fact that man can be too.

On gift-giving - Part 2

It started while I was thinking of gift ideas for my friends here. As I mentioned in my last post, very few people here celebrate Christmas, but there is a handful of people for which I am shopping.

Several of them are locals, and let me tell you something. If you think shopping for that cousin you barely know is a challenge, wait until you try to shop for someone from a completely different culture. Wandering the mud-caked aisles of the African market and looking for Christmas gifts is truly a unique experience.

I began by trying to compile a list of substitutes for things I would purchase as gifts in the States. It looked something like this:

Christmas sweater – African cloth

household appliances – plastic bucket

Whitman's Sampler – can of sardines

washing machine – plastic bucket

Christmas card – cellphone recharge card

kitchen utensils – plastic bucket

Needless to say, my options are limited.

In the midst of my mad dash to find some way of showing people that I care, I was given a very tangible reminder. It came in the way of an old man from a little village out in the bush. We will call him Marvin. (If for no other reason, because you will not be able to pronounce his name.)

Marvin is a tiny little man who comes just up to my shoulders. He looks to be as old as the dirt under his feet and has a face that resembles a catcher's mitt. His skin is dark, leathery and full of wrinkles. Despite his lack of teeth in key places, he has an unending smile. But it is not just any smile, it is the contagious kind. Rarely can someone be around him without coming down with a case of laughter or, at minimum, a lightened spirit.

He and my supervisor have known each other for a very long time and they have developed quite a friendship. So, it was no surprise the other day to see him sitting under our mango tree in his little boubou and fez. He comes by here periodically for no other reason than to say hello. What you may find surprising is his method of transportation. This little man rides a bicycle.

To say that his trip into town to see my supervisor is a long one would be an understatement. By four wheel drive truck, it takes me over an hour to get to his village. The dirt roads are indescribably bad, and I think Lance Armstrong would have trouble hoofing himself up and down these rocky paths. Yet, this little man will set out on his bicycle (which is a far cry from Lance's) around dawn to make the trip.

As I sat there watching Marvin and my supervisor chat away, it finally sank in. Marvin had a gift to give his friend, and it was far more valuable than a bag of oranges or a chicken.

The gift was his time.

In a culture where material things are rare, and the means to get them rarer still, it is often the intangible gifts that are given. Perhaps it is easier to see the real value of ideals like time, respect, honor, and service when your worldview is not clouded with gadgets, gizmos and stocking stuffers.

That day under that mango tree, Marvin gave an expensive gift. However, he did not pay for it in franc, he paid for it with his time.

America is a world where time is money, and often, people would rather part with a dollar than a minute. Could it be that we have replaced the real value of a gift, the sacrifice of the giver, with the convenience of buying some knick-knack?

Look back in life. My guess is the things that you hold most dear probably cannot be wrapped up in a box. It may be the love of a mother who lost sleep because you were sick or a father who sacrificed a position on the corporate ladder to spend his extra time being your ball coach.

All gifts are not created equal. A gift's true value is measured in its sacrifice.

Take the example of the gift we all celebrate during this season. No greater sacrifice has been given. Be thankful for the real “expensive” gifts and if you want to show someone you care, give them a gift that matters.

On gift-giving - Part 1

For some, it is that first Christmas song they hear on the radio. For others, it is the unpacking of trunks full or ornaments, lights and memories as you prepare to set up your tree. For many, it is seeing all of the Christmas merchandise hit the store shelves around early August (it gets earlier every year). Everyone has that moment where Christmas season sets in. At least, everyone in the States.

I live in a world with no Christmas.

There are no decorations. There are no strings of lights hanging on huts or little banners decorating the telephone poles that do not exist. There is no man dressed in a Santa outfit ringing a bell outside of the Walmart that is not here. The temperature is as hot as ever, and the palm trees have no hope of getting covered with snow this year. In a country that has never been Christian, Christmas does not exist. It appears the Grinch got his way in this little spot on the map. If your children have questions about how Santa can make it all the way around the world in one night, you can ease their mind by letting them know he does not visit the children who live here.

Needless to say, it has been a challenge getting into the “Christmas spirit” here. It is hard for me to realize it is the most wonderful time of year, when it seems like any other day. Sure, we have put up our tree, and the house is completely decorated. We gathered this past Sunday with our small handful of believers and sang Christmas carols at church. I even made eggnog... from scratch. (If anyone with my organization is reading, have no fear, it was not spiked.) Yet, despite the efforts by our small band of workers and local believers to ring in the holiday season, it has been hard for me to get into the mood to shop for presents.

To be certain, shopping in itself is quite the different experience here. Obviously, buying for the friends and family back at home has its challenges. Thankfully, the Internet has provided me a way to get something under the tree of a select few people at home. So if you wind up with a box from Amazon.com or Ebay on your doorstep with my name on it... just put it under your tree and do not open it until Christmas. I apologize for the bad wrapping job, but I could not promise you it would be much better had I been in the States. For others still, I will try to send some African trinkets home with the next short term team that comes out. I want a little something to get back home so people do realize they are still on my mind, and that I think of them and pray for them.

All of that seems so impersonal though, and it reminds me of how materialistic gift-giving has become. As with so many other situations here, God has taught me a lesson about the importance of gifts.

Truly, some gifts are far more important than others. In the coming weeks, I want to share with you what this culture has taught me about gift-giving.

After all, Christmas is indeed the celebration of a gift given.

Dwelling on the things that are not

Thanksgiving is a peculiar holiday. As with most special days, it seems to be far less about the event we are supposed to remember than the odd traditions that have grown up around it. The pilgrims survived the harsh conditions of settling in the new land and were able to celebrate a bountiful harvest. History (or is it tradition?) tells us they saw a need to give thanks to God for their survival, and did so with a celebration and feast.

Images of a long wooden table out in the middle of the forest full of pumpkin pies, roast turkey, and a can of Ocean Spray cranberry sauce sets the scene. People in tall black hats and funny shoes dance through our heads. We imagine Pilgrims and Indians all holding hands around a campfire singing Kumbayah.

Today, the holiday has morphed into a contest in personal gluttony amongst family members. We dress the dining room table up in the colors of Autumn, set it full of sweet potato casseroles and dressings and crown it with a turkey. At best, there is the initiatory prayer at the beginning of the meal (which is really more like the firing of a pistol than a prayer of thanksgiving) and then off we go. In closing, everyone must name one thing they are “thankful for” before being allowed to leave the table for football games on television.

So goes Thanksgiving.

At the risk of writing yet another one of those snippets that tells people they should be more thankful on Thanksgiving, I would like to share a little about my observance of the holiday here in Africa. Let me assure you, this post will have nothing of inconvenience or doing without niceties on Turkey Day. Quite to the contrary, our little “family” got together for a spread that would put most American households to shame. Dressing (or stuffing as my Yankee friends prefer to call it), green bean casserole, rolls, broccoli, and yes, two big turkeys, to name just a few of the things in our cornucopia this year. Sure, we had to use food coloring to make the African yams look orange, but that is a minor detail. A mountain of mashed potatoes, and six dessert pies later, we sat around sharing with each other about God's provision.

As of yesterday, I have observed the last two Thanksgivings in Africa. Needless to say, my perspective has changed from one year to the next.

Last year, we gathered for the holiday in much the same way. People from all the different outreaches in our country gathered, and we sat down to a spread not unlike the one we had this year. The table was full of good food, and the conversation was a blessing. But at that time, I had only been in the country for a little over a month. My thoughts were still captivated by all the things that were not, by the lack of amenities I had very recently considered necessities to life. I was getting used to a life with no electricity, no luxuries, no English, and no stability.

Now for certain, when I walked into that house and saw the Thanksgiving spread on the table for the first time last year, I was astonished by the fact that we even had these things. It was then that I found out the trouble it took to create a meal this special in Africa. Turkeys are an extremely rare find here, and terribly expensive. There is only one store in the entire country that sells them (if they are ever available), and it is a great distance outside of the capital at a mining base that has western groceries shipped by sea container periodically. So they get bought and stay frozen in the capital (where there is enough periodic electricity to keep things frozen) for the entire year just for this special day. Most of the other dishes are made completely form scratch by things found in the market and keen substitutes when something is not available.

Last year, I was thankful for this rare treat. I was thankful for people who cared enough to prepare it, despite the trouble. I was thankful that God was faithful, and in the midst of all that I felt I was lacking, that he had promised to take care of me. However, even sitting at that table, my thoughts were primarily on what I did not have. I was dwelling on the things that were not.

Yesterday was different.

Same table. Same spread. Same people. Yet it was not the same experience for me. I was not concerned with a lack of anything. Quite to the contrary, my mind stopped dwelling on what I was “lacking” many months ago. Now, my mind was filled with the things that were. It was a list far longer too. This year, I was not only thankful simply for God's promise. I was thankful that he had indeed lived up to it. In the past year, God has provided in abundance. My needs have all been met, and I have a far better understanding of necessities now. Further still are the rich blessings I have discovered in the past year. God has given me new friends and family, and new eyes through which to see the world.

I am not sure if it is just me, or if this is part of the human condition, but it seems a whole lot easier to focus on hardship than blessing, on a lack of luxuries instead of an abundance of necessities. This year, I learned the difference between dwelling on the things that are not and thanking God for the things that are. 

God is indeed faithful. May we be thankful recipients of a faithfulness we do not deserve.