Term in Review: 5 most entertaining posts

People do not smile enough.

It is certainly true where I live, and rightly so. I currently live in a world where life is harder than most anyone who reads this could imagine. If you are reading this, you are sitting in front of a computer. Even if its not your own, you at least have access to one. Day after day, the people here are fighting for existence. Many are wondering whether they will eat tomorrow. They live in sickness, disease and danger.

That does not leave a lot of room for smiling. Yet, despite their circumstances, the people here make room. One of the greatest gifts I have received in Africa is a smiling face. In a world that is so hard, few things are as valuable as experiencing moments of joy with a friend.

There is just something about seeing a face light up with happiness, eyes bright and teeth out of hiding. That is why I wrote these posts.

Off Topic: Prayer Positions

This past weekend I saw something I have not seen in a while.

It was Prayer Hands.

As you well know, Prayer Hands are the officially adopted prayer position of the western church. For time and memorial they have been emblazoned upon countless pieces of Jesus paraphernalia. As a child, this is the first of many prayer positions we learn. Our parents teach us to put our two hands together in this fashion as we kneel over our bed and thank God for our puppy and mud puddles.

Off Topic: Spiritual Surfing

Why is church camp always at the beach?

When I was a kid, every time I would head off to some church camp for the summer, I was stuck off in the middle of the woods. It was usually some camp with a goofy, fake Indian name like Camp Wannahockaloogi, or something to that effect. An hour or more from civilization, we were forced to sleep in little wooden cabins, barrack style, and swat mosquitos all night. The closest we would get to a “beachfront” was that roped off area of the lake that was less green than the rest of it. Instead of going home with a tan, all we had to show for the week was a series of welts from the nightly towel fights. I usually lost those fights.

But nowadays, it seems more and more church camps are at the beach. Instead of packing insect repellent and hiking boots, kids throw their sunscreen and swimming trunks in a suitcase and head off for “Christians Ablaze,” “Spiritual Explosion,” or one of those other Christian events with a pyro-maniacal name. The church charter bus fills up with excited kids ready for a week or two of sun and sand. When it reaches its destination, it is usually some beachfront hotel where the kids will hear flashy speakers and great bands.

When this shift from the wilderness to the shore occurred, I was initially puzzled. Why would we move students from isolation to the middle of vacation central? Why would we take students away from blue jeans and briar thickets and move them to bikinis and beach volleyball? We decided to take our spiritual retreats to the same place MTV holds it spring break specials. What gives?

But then it hit me. 

Off Topic: I'm Feeling Lucky.

So, I have decided to write a commentary on the Revelation of John.

There are several reasons behind this. For starters, everyone knows writing a commentary is how you make it into the “big leagues” in the realm of theology. It is also a well known fact that approximately 83% of evangelical commentaries say basically the same thing about any given passage and typically just reword each other. (Save their relationship to the freewill/sovereignty, dispensational/covenantal, and emergent church pop Christian culture questions.) Finally, any one who writes a commentary on the Revelation gets bonus points for walking off into that minefield.

Therefore I have devised a plan that will, in one stroke, make me famous and provide Christian readers the world over with new, valuable information they must know about the Bible.

In fact, I believe I have discovered the true identity of that one world government everyone is always saying the Apocalypse predicts.

Off Topic: Christians say the darndest things.

Words can be contagious. Few things seem to harbor the power of transmittal as words, and with them ideals. Take for instance the words "change" and "hope". When wielded in a certain way, they have the power to win a presidency.

I experienced a similar situation here in the last couple of months, howbeit not quite as consequential as the previous example.

I live in a culture which places high value on greetings. People will go out of their way to greet you if they see you, simply because this is the appropriate way to respect a relationship. Furthermore, my work has me spending time with students who are roughly high school age.

Imagine my surprise when one of my students walked up to me, and instead of initiating the customary ritual of greeting, stuck out his arm indicating that he wanted a fist bump. Then, upon bumping said fist, he clamors out the words, "big ups."

At first, due to his heavy Franco-African accent, I thought he was trying to say "hiccups," but upon him repeating it several times and me taking guesses I made the discovery that he was indeed saying "big ups." Within a mere period of days, it seemed every student in town had replaced their normal greetings with the "big ups." It spread like a disease. My astonishment was complete when one of the little six-year-old girls with our organization walked up to me one day and demanded the “big ups.” Where in the world did she pick it up?! Even she had been infected.

For those of you who may not be familiar with the “big ups” terminology. Its definition, as listed on Urban Dictionary (a site I will not be linking to from this blog), is as follows:

1. lots of props, sent through a messenger, such as the radio or a friend 
2. massive props to someone you respek (I did not misspell that.) 
3. (n.) a phrase used when dealing on the street to give props or show much respect to someone/something 

Now, you may wonder how kids in the middle of absolute nowhere, in a land without reliable electricity or running water, would pick up on street lingo from the States. The answer lies in the power of words themselves. Words convey ideals, and with the term “big ups” comes a truckload of American culture. One song by Akon (a West African himself), with lyrics of wealth and fame, and the youth here realize that is the ideal to which they want to aspire. People who have nothing think Americans have everything, and the youth here imitate every ounce of our culture they can.

But is that not true of humanity in general? A need for acceptance, a desire to make ourselves look as though we belong in a certain group of people, causes us to say and do some of the strangest things.

Christians are no exception.

You know you have done it, and so have I. We say the darndest things to convince others we are indeed the kind of person we are “supposed to be.” As we settle into the Christian subculture, we get cozy and begin to aspire for an elevated position in this social circle. Soon, the desire is to ooh and ahh those other members of said circle with our obvious spirituality. Before you get mad at me for posting this, let me be the first to admit, I have committed at least five of these, and my hope is that you will laugh at yourself (or at least me).

Following is a list of those things we often catch ourselves saying in order to prove our spirituality to the Christian in-crowd:

Quoting a minor prophet 

(especially when it has no bearing on the conversation)

What better way to show one is definitely on God's speed dial than quoting the Bible? But for those who really want the most bang for their buck, quote a minor prophet. Everyone knows John 3:16, but who can recall the words of the prophet Haggai? An added advantage comes with everyone's lack of knowledge when it comes to the minor prophets, so one can stick these little nuggets into many conversations where they admittedly do not belong. The prophets were preachers of old, and their words often sound cryptic and extra spiritual when used to season conversation. Common uses of this are seen during group Bible study, or more subtly in the middle of a vocal prayer. “As your Word tells us in Nahum 3:5,” makes a convenient prayer insert. A word of caution: Read the passage (and maybe even understand it) prior to tossing it into the mix. 

Christian name dropping  

This one is big enough it deserves its own post! It is increasingly common to hear people drop the name of a Christian pop writer casually in conversation. The phrase often begins with something like, “You know, Donald Miller says it best when,” or “I think Mark Driscoll would agree.” In using these little jewels, one simultaneously shows an extensive understanding of “the Christian conversation” (as so many now call it) and enlists a famous Christian mind on his or her side of a discussion. Good show! 

However, one must be careful with this tactic. Within the Christian subculture are still further Christians subsets. Assuredly, it is never good to mix subsets. For instance, name dropping Jon Piper in a circle of Paige Patterson sympathizers will result in a point deduction. Past this reality, one must consider whether it is appropriate to pull a name from the realm of theologians, Christian-living authors, or the new up-and-coming pastor podcasters/ bloggers. Remember, context is everything with this one. Be aware of your surroundings.

Pick-a-Psalm 

It was the hymnbook of ancient Israel, and aside from the command of God to have “Holy, Holy, Holy” as the first song in every hymnbook after the crucifixion, it functions in much the same way as our own hymnals today. Its purpose is to bring the reader(s) into worship, and more importantly, to provide God with the honor and praise he deserves. Filled with deep, thoughtful words that cry out to God in both joy and pain, the Psalter is indeed inspired worship. 

However, a common purpose nowadays is to demonstrate the exceeding spirituality of some. Envision a group worship time, not the Sunday morning service, but something more personal, where all are invited to participate in vocal prayer, reading of scripture, and song. There is a momentary silence and just enough time to flip to the Psalms (conveniently located right in the middle of the Bible) and employ the pick-a-psalm tactic. There are psalms for every occasion in scripture. Furthermore, when properly executed, this can make it seem as though the person was coincidentally reminded of these words of worship as though he or she cuddles up nightly with the Psalter and cup of tea. It is virtually a fail-safe way to rack up points; however, for this approach to work, it must be used in bulk. Simply calling everyone's attention to a particular psalm once during a group worship will not do. One must become marked by this tendency. Happy hunting. 

Prayer-bragging 

This tactic is best employed in group settings. Often times, it is appropriately used during Sunday school or “small group.” Proper execution seizes the moment when a call for prayer requests has been made and uses it as an opportunity to soapbox some extra-spiritual event that has recently taken place (or will take place) in one's life. However, like Jeopardy, this one must take the form of a question. “Please pray that I have boldness as I single-handedly scour the streets in our slums for victims of poverty in order to invite their kids to VBS next week,” is a case example. 

Conversationjacking

I am not sure if this is a tactic or a spiritual gift, but certain individuals appear to have the ability while others do not. Similar to the strategy listed above, the practitioner of this tactic tends to commandeer every conversation, no matter the subject, and morph it into a discussion of his or her exploits in short term missions. “You know, speaking of your toilet getting stopped up, I am reminded of an experience I recently had in the jungles of the Amazon,” may be how this one begins. 

While also most effective in a group setting, this approach is markedly more casual and occurs during conversation; therefore, it is more flexible in usage and can gain the user points in a non-church setting. Prime times for this occur often, such as that vacuum period between Sunday school and the Worship service. The skilled can also use this tactic in a one-on-one conversation, and the truly brazen can insert it into group Bible study as an answer to a question. Admittedly, this last use is precarious, but if done successfully, it leaves all in earshot feeling as though they have learned spiritual truths from the sagely wisdom provided by the short term missions superstar. 

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By all means when God teaches you a lesson, shows you a deep truth in his Word or lays a need on your heart, share it! Let others know, but check your motives. Let us all make sure our purpose is to edify others in the process, and not to make ourselves shine. May God get the glory from our words and not ourselves.

Off Topic: The Fishbowl Effect

I once owned a goldfish. His name was Cochise.

Cochise was the result of an unfortunate series of events that ended with 30-50 small goldfish in my bathtub one evening. My only explanation is that I was a college minister prior to coming to Africa.

Being the tenderhearted, animal-lover I am, I sought to rescue said goldfish from the ultimate peril of my drain by scooping them out and putting them in a glass cookie jar. This jar turned fish refugee camp housed most of the fish in a suitable, yet cramped, environment. In other words, the jar was so full they could hardly move.

And as cheap Walmart goldfish tend to do, they began to slowly die off. Every morning, I would wake up and find one or two belly-up in the cookie jar. Every morning, I would have a burial by toilet bowl.

The numbers soon dwindled until I had only one left, and man was he a keeper! Cochise was by far the ugliest fish of the whole group. Most of the other goldfish were, well, gold.

Not Cochise. He was a nice shade of duct-tape grey. Furthermore, one of his eyes was much larger than the other one and somewhat bugged out to one side. Despite his obvious handicaps, Cochise was apparently a fighter, because that guy held on to life like no fish I have ever seen.

We were together for several years. In fact, it was not until months after I came to Africa that I learned of his eventual demise. I charged a friend with his care, only for Cochise to head off to that happy fish pond in the sky. My only guess is that he died of separation anxiety.

Cochise and I shared many fond memories. During the final months of my masters degree, his bowl was next to my computer on the desk. After I moved to a new house for a brief time, he lived on the counter in the kitchen, the room I frequented the most. Often times, I would walk by and see him sitting there, staring back at me. More than once, I caught myself wondering what the world was like from his perspective. How did the world look through Cochise's bugged-out eyeball? What is it like to live in a bowl and watch the world go on around you?

A piece of me now knows.

My 10-year high school reunion was last week. (Put the old man jokes aside until I finish making my point.) It was an event that, for all intents and purposes, I should have had a hand in planning. And certainly, had I been in the States, I would have.

Instead of catching up with long lost friends about life and their pursuit of happiness, I got to look at pictures of the reunion on Facebook. It appears they had a good time, a fact of which I am glad. Yet, like so many other things in the past year, I “experienced” this milestone from behind glass. I watched through the lens of Facebook.

I have already confessed to being a Facebook stalker. It has become my means of watching my old world march forward without me. I have indeed succumbed to the fish bowl effect. I sit back and idly watch as friends get married or have kids, as events take place that I should attend, and as family and church members get sick.

Facebook albums and status updates fill in the details of county fairs and Strawberry Festivals, of celebrations at church and tragic events that shake my community. All the while, I stare through my little glass wall and watch from a distance.

At times it has been hard. Sometimes, it hurts because you realize you are not a part of what is happening back at home anymore. On other occasions, it hurts because you realize it can actually go on without you. You see group photographs that should have your face in the middle of them. But then, you realize they are all smiling just the same without you.

Before you gather that my point in writing this is to garnish your pity, let me assure you this post has a happy ending. I am by no means upset by my current circumstances. Quite to the contrary, I thank God for my position. For, while I spectate on my old life from another world, I am indeed experiencing this new world as well. You see, there is a life on this side of the glass. It is a life full of new faces, new places, and new memories. For the time being, I have an abiding peace here, despite the separation from those who are so close to my heart. Truly, it is the kind of peace that can only come from being obedient to God's call.

Ironically, with the end of my term in sight, the realization is dawning on me that I may soon be viewing my world here as though from a fishbowl. In the event that I return home to stay, I may soon be casting glances back on my new friends and family here through the lens of Facebook and scattered collections of news and tidbits I gather through email. The work here is so important, and the people here are so dear. To watch it from behind glass, it would hurt.

Yet, no matter where I land, that will be my reality, to watch one of my worlds from a distance. Solace comes in knowing there is true peace for those who are obedient to God's call, wherever it may lead.

For all of my friends out there who have attended a wedding via Skype this past year, I imagine you know how I feel...

Off Topic: Are Christians closet pyromaniacs?

I like to set things on fire.

I blame my father. When I was a little kid, we were always lighting things on fire... and then he taught me how how to make homemade fireworks. But that is another story.

I may enjoy the warm glow and soft crackle of a fire, but I am convinced I am not the only one. In my aimless meandering around the World Wide Web, I feel I have made an interesting discovery. I think Christians are closet pyromaniacs.

In any given school year, the average youth group member is inundated with references to fire in some capacity. Tonight, countless students across America will head off to their weekly Ignite Student Ministry meeting. During announcements, they will be given more information about purchasing tickets for the Acquire the Fire youth rally. This will be followed by a message on how to be “on fire” for the Lord and they will close out the evening with an appropriate song such as “Light the Fire.” Then, they will get in their car, plug in their iPod and listen to Shane & Shane belt out “Burn Me Up” on their way to Dairy Queen to grab one of those Flamethrower burgers and a Reese's Blizzard.

Furthermore, how many of us currently own at least one Christian t-shirt with some form of stylized flame logo on it? I know I do.

If you want more proof, listen to the verbs we use in sermons and Bible studies now. We talk about fanning flames, evangelism explosions, igniting our faith or kindling our relationship with the Lord. Revival has taken on the language of bursting into flames and spreading throughout our country. And everyone knows, it only takes a spark to get a fire going.

Maybe it is not pyromania though. Possibly, it is just a fad in the terms we use. There have been other fads in the past. In our very recent history in America, Christians have spoken of Great Awakenings and the winds of change. Billy Graham introduced us once again to the language of crusades (one which has been let go lately for obvious reasons).

However, if this is indeed just a fad in our communication, then what is next? On which verbal bandwagon will the Christian subculture jump next?

As I have pondered on this topic, I have come up with the following top options:

Natural Phenomenon - 
Some form of natural phenomenon may make a good replacement when pyromania goes the way of the dodo. Possible options in this category include landslides or tidal waves. Just think, in a couple of years, our youth may be going to Tsunami 2014: Let the waves wash over you. Storms are probably a bad idea though, they tend to leave destruction in their wake. Besides, the whole flood motif has been done already.

The World of Science -
Many people seem to think science and faith have it out for each other, but maybe there is something they could share... like a catchy slogan. Imagine if we switched out our language of fires with chain reactions. Then, we could have some guest speaker asking us if our bond with Jesus was ionic or covalent. In actuality, I do hear the word "catalyst" thrown around a lot though.

The World of Medicine -
I was initially considering this option, but I simply cannot find a good term from this field. For instance, the only ideas that get across rapid spread are words like "infection" or "viral." I do not know about you, but I certainly do not want the student ministry at my church to be called Contagious and I have no desire to be a part of the next Great Gospel Epidemic. It could make for some cool t-shirts though.

Whatever the case, I am sure someone will coin a new term that will take the Christian circles by storm. The same timeless message will get repackaged for a new audience, and we will get a whole new round of slogans, sayings and (unfortunately) merchandise to promote it. My only hope is that in the midst of all the sayings, we will not distract people from the simple message of who Christ really is.



How about you? Do you have the next Christian super-slogan? Comment below...

Off topic: "What did you do this summer?"

I have a confession. I have become a Facebook stalker. It all started out innocent enough I guess. Occasionally glancing at photo albums from friends trips, until one day, I caught myself purposely seeking out the Info tab of some friends to see if anything new was happening.

I blame my distance. The world, friends and faces I grew up with are moving along without me. How else am I supposed keep up? But I digress...

My real reason for this off topic post is that age-old question, “What did you do this summer?” I remember dreading that question, and unfortunately, as sure as the sun will rise, it would come up at the beginning of every school year. As a little kid I can remember sitting in my desk trying to come up with some halfway decent answer and inevitably failing. Truth is, my family and I rarely went anywhere when I was growing up. I can count the number of vacations we took on one hand.

Sure enough, the teacher would start at one corner of the room and off we would go retelling our adventures for the last two months. The room would fill with lofty tales of cruises or trips to the beach. Somebody would always chime in with a trip to Disneyworld. But all of these would come crashing to the floor as soon as that one kid in the room mentioned Europe.

I usually had to follow that kid.

Interestingly enough, my recently developed habit of Facebook stalking has brought to my attention a new evolution in this timeless question. Gone, it seems, are the days or waiting for the teacher to give you the open invitation to ooh and ah your friends. Now, its as easy as a tweet and the world knows just how cool your summer was.

School is back in session, and the Facebook photo albums are piling up. Countless people are doing the profile makeover. And it seems, we Christians have our own brand of “pimp my profile.”

In case you may not be sure if your friend had a “Christian summer”, here is the evidence:

1. Their most recent photo album title has the words “camp” and “creek” in it. Other variations will be words that end in “crest”, “cove”, or “ridge.” 
2. They are giving some person from the third world a side hug in their profile pic. Bonus points should be given for the shot of them surrounded by a crowd of children. If its on a dirt road its better still. Alternately, they may be standing entirely too close to some animal that should have already eaten them, and there is no cage between them and said animal. 
3. They clog your news feed with constant “liking” of obscure causes and charities. 
4. The “Write something about yourself.” blank on their profile has been filled with some recently learned statistic about illiteracy or “global lostness” in the “10-40 window." 
5. Their profile references the “10-40 window." 
6. Instead of ridiculously skimpy swimsuits, they opted for the do-rag and long dress look as the outfit of choice in all their summer photos. (Guys will be wearing the pants with legs that zip off.)
7. Their status updates, which sound like a love letter to an old boyfriend, are actually lyrics out of some new worship song they heard at that camp whose name ends in “creek”, “crest”, or “cove”. (See point 1.)
8. In the Religious Views blank on their Info page, the actual denomination they belong to has been replaced with, “Hopelessly and endlessly pursuing the one, true, holy, matchless, boundless, unchanging, creator of heaven and earth, who fills my heart with inexpressible joy.” Or something like that. 
9. They have an ongoing wall discussion full of inside jokes with their new best friend they met while building a house in Alaska. 

Oh, and the list goes on. What do you think belongs on this list? Comment below with your additions...